GREETINGS CARDS. FANCY NONSENSE. ALL OCCASIONS.

A vintage birthday card with a cute retro bear on the front, he looks happy and is playing an accordion. The text above him reads "one year closer to death". Below it says "birthday cards" you can click through to view all the other birthday greeting cards in the range.

A vintage christmas card with a retro Santa Claus on it holding a gift in his hands. The text above him reads "I wouldn't get your hopes up I've seen your browser history". Below it says "Christmas cards" you can click through to view all the other festive greeting cards in the range.

A vintage congratulations on the new job greeting card with a cute retro cat on the front, she is wearing a pretty dress and holding a big cake. The text on the cake reads "you’re dead to us now". Below it says "new jobs" you can click through to view all the other leaving work / new jobs greeting cards in the range

A vintage greeting card with a cute retro stork on the front, he looks happy and is holding a new baby. The text above him reads "i can’t believe you f*cked a stork*". Below it says "new baby cards" you can click through to view all the other congratulations greeting cards in the range.

A vintage valentine’s day greeting card with a cute retro dog on the front, he is dressed like a cowboy and sitting in a big boot. The text above him reads "pucker up buckaroo". Below it says "romantic cards" you can click through to view all the other Valentine’s day and anniversary greeting cards in the range.

A vintage Mother’s day greeting card with a cute retro kitten on the front, she is wearing a pretty dress and holding a big pie. The text above her reads "sorry i ruined your vagina". Below it says "mother’s day" you can click through to view all the other Mother’s day greeting cards in the range.

Welcome to Dead Fancy!

We're chuffed you found us.

Whatever the occasion we have the perfect greeting cards for that one inappropriate friend with the odd sense of humour.

And if you are that one inappropriate friend with the odd sense of humour, good news - we have the perfect greeting cards for everyone!

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You can find our cheeky range of inappropriate vintage and retro inspired greeting cards online at Etsy or Redbubble

A vintage christmas card with two children decorating a tree, the little girl is holding some mistletoe and looking expectantly at the little boy. The text above him reads "Suzie, the only thing I would kiss you under is anaesthesia". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop.

A vintage christmas card with a cute retro dog on the front surrounded by baubles, he looks pretty stoned. The text above him reads "It’s Christmas let’s get wasted". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop.

An antique Christmas card of a traditional winter scene, snow covered houses and Santa Claus walking down the street holding a Christmas tree over one shoulder, he’s looking behind him to a house that is on fire. The vintage style text next to him reads “Enjoy the naughty list motherfucker". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop.

A vintage christmas card of an cute retro duckling holding a traditional Christmas wreath. He’s dressed like Santa Claus. The text in the middle of the wreath reads “suck my ass". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop.

A vintage christmas card of a grumpy looking cat sitting in a basket full of holly and festive decorations. The retro style text at the bottom reads “I can’t wait to shit in your tinsel". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop.

A vintage christmas card with a cute retro Santa Claus on the front, he’s sitting down next to a large bag of gifts, he looks happy and energetic. The text above him reads "BIG SACK ENERGY". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop.

An antique christmas card with a painting of two branches of holly on the front. In vintage style text at the bottom it reads "Stick it up your arse". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop.

A vintage christmas card of a traditional looking Christmas tree against a snowy background. It’s colourfully decorated. The text around the tree reads "T IS FOR TWAT". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop.

A vintage christmas card of a creepy looking antique Santa Claus, he’s on the phone and he has an unnerving look on his face. The retro style text at the bottom reads “All I want for Christmas is nudes". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop.

A vintage christmas card of an adorable retro mouse standing on a step ladder, he’s decorating his xmas tree but he’s dropped a bauble, it’s smashed on the floor beneath him. The text at the reads “Oh for fuck’s sake". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop.

A vintage christmas card of two funny looking dogs on a sledge going down a snowy hillside, they’re looking right at the reader and the antique style text above them reads “Bitch, let’s party". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop.

A vintage christmas card of a frosty window, surrounded by Christmas decor, standing at the window is an antique, creepy looking Santa Claus. A hand written sign pinned to the window reads “DON’T LET HIM IN". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop.

Christmas ain't for everyone.

Why not get your begrudging annual obligations out the way early this year with our hilarious collection of reworked vintage and retro Christmas cards.

These aren’t your usual sugar-coated greetings; instead, they blend cheeky, sarcastic and occasionally insulting slogans with disarmingly cute and nostalgic designs.

Antique yuletide vibes, jaded modern jibes.

So if you’re looking to insult a sibling, poke a bit of fun at the festive madness or share a smile with other Christmasphobes our cards have got you covered.

Available to buy direct from us at Etsy or through our Redbubble store.

A vintage birthday card with a selection of cute retro woodland creatures having a birthday party. There’s birthday cake and they’re wearing party hats. The text above them reads "let’s get hammered!". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop.

A vintage birthday card with a cute retro kitten in the middle surrounded by colourful little flowers. The kitten has a single tear rolling down it’s cheek and the text around it reads "this kitten just found out how old you are". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop.

A vintage birthday card with three cute retro birds on a branch singing a cheerful tune and the text around them reads "happy birthday dickwad". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop

A vintage birthday card with a cute retro lamb, he’s dressed in a little hat and a snazzy outfit and he’s holding a yellow balloon and the text on the balloon reads “you’re old as hell". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop

A pink vintage birthday card with two adorable retro kittens in the centre, surrounded by little white flowers and in big bold text in the middle it says “I HATE YOU". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop

A vintage birthday card with a cute retro deer being ridden by a small bird, the deer is wearing a birthday cake for a hat. Above them the text reads “Bitch let’s party". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop

A vintage birthday card with a cute, colourful bear walking into shot, the bear is wearing funny clothes and holding three birthday party balloons and on the balloons the text reads “how are you not dead?". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop

A bright yellow vintage birthday card with three cute retro bluebirds sitting on some sheet music, they’re singing a fun tune, on the sheet music the text reads “hey fuckface it’s your birthday!". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop

A simple vintage birthday card with a retro birthday cake covered in candles in the centre, the text above and below it reads “C IS FOR CUNT". Below it says "buy online now!" you can click through to view the card in the online shop

Everything is awful.

Have a birthday.

Bring your trademark tired, sarcastic and relentlessly cynical attitude to their birthday with our darkly funny, sarcastic and vaguely insulting birthday cards.

Cute, kitsch vintage and retro style greetings cards with wildly inappropriate captions.

Perfect birthday gifts for friends and family - with a sense of humour!

Shop the full range in our Etsy store or click through images above.